Dead Last

It’s one of the most common fears when signing up for and entering a race:  coming in last place.  I can now say that I have the honor of holding that position in the last race that I ran.

Date: 03 July 2010.  Location:  Vallecito, CA.  Name of Event:  Hernia Hills  a.k.a. Half From Hell!  Time It Took To Place Dead Last: 2:37:25

I don’t even know if I want to write about it, so I will just write what comes to mind.

I have many goals and aspirations.  I set my sights and bars high, probably too high in the opinion of many.  However, I expect a lot from myself, and I am the hardest on myself when it comes to punishment and self-berrating.  I expect myself to do well, and to produce results … All.  The.  Time.

So what happens when my goals aren’t reached or fall short?  I can honestly say that I do beat myself up internally.  It’s difficult for me not to.  It wasn’t even a “bad” time … just a slow one, and I finished!  Com’mon, Row., what the hell?  Can’t you just be happy with that?  That run was difficult to say the least, but you were out there, you did your best, and you finished.  End of story.  There was no “DNF” by your name … there was a time!

I know.  I know.  I know.  I get that.  I understand it.  I should not be ashamed.  I should be proud of myself, and I am.  I am very proud of myself.  To be my age and to still look as good as I do, to be in the shape that I am in, and to be as fit and healthy as I am … I get it.  But … but … but … there’s always a “but.”  There are those who were not out there, didn’t even try, laughed at the name of the race.  There are those who literally sat on their couch, or laid in bed while YOU were out there, Row.  There are those who can only wish that they could attempt to do what you do.  There are those who wish that they could walk, or sit up, or let alone move a finger, breathe on their own.  What you accomplished was AMAZING, Row.   Let it be, Row.  Leave it alone.  Let it go …

Dead Last Finish is greater than Did Not Finish, which trumps Did Not Start.

There should be no tears.  There is no crying.  You finished with a time … End.  Of.  Story.

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