The saying goes, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything at all.” Sometimes, one just doesn’t have anything to say, nice or otherwise.
I’m one of those non-verbal individuals that does more listening than speaking. I’m not sure what it is, I’m just not comfortable speaking. There’s nothing wrong with the sound of my voice that I know of. I don’t have a lisp or anything. No “weird” accent. I can’t remember any strange, weird things happening to me in my past that would cause me to have an aversion to speaking.
Most times, I believe that what I have to say is not that important. I listen to conversations that people have, and I do engage at times, but seriously, I do more listening than speaking. I’m the one that can be found sitting, people watching, taking in all that everyone is saying and doing. I’m the one that has trouble repeating jokes, and I am not a natural storyteller. I’m the one that, when in counseling, had to be coaxed to just say more than two words because I was paying an exorbitant amount of money to be listened to and heard! I can laugh about it now, but at the time it wasn’t so funny. In fact, it was quite painful … and very difficult, as it provoked such raw emotion … emotions that most times I don’t care to feel and prefer too keep under the surface.
Words just don’t come out “right” for me when spoken. I’m sure most of us have experienced that, “Ugh! I should have said “(fill in the blank).” It just happens to me far too often. It’s as if my brain works so fast to get the words out that when they actually come out of my mouth, it’s jumbled and all “wrong.” Sometimes, when I’m truly frustrated, the words come out loud, and quick – before I get a chance to filter what I want to say, and I cry! I don’t like to cry. Row. doesn’t cry. It’s insane! It’s so frustrating, and I must look like an idiot … So I would rather just keep my mouth shut. TIGHT!
Truth be told, if I never had to speak another word again, I would be totally fine with that. Seriously, I’d be okay with that. If I never had to say another word, I would not be lost. Most people don’t listen anyway, so I would never have to waste my breath trying to get my point across. I prefer writing anyway. It is through writing that I can get my words out best. I’m a big believer in the power of the written word. I’ve always been in love with snail mail – words hand written to me or by me on paper. And text messaging … the BEST invention ever!!! No long conversations if you don’t want them, just short and most times sweet messages that get straight to the point. I’ve been known to give some nice speeches during high school and college speech classes. As long as I’m prepared and can get my words written out, I’m okay. I’d just write, type, and text and I’d be perfectly happy.
Don’t discount me though because I’m quiet. Although I dub myself “antisocial,” I do speak. I am smarter than the average bear. My mind moves at a pace of a million miles a minute. Sometimes the things that I *truly* want to say are inappropriate, so I bite my tongue … sometimes to the point where my tongue hangs on by only it’s thin membrane. I love to laugh out loud (let me emphasize LOUD) at funny jokes and stupid things. I can hold short conversations with those that I am comfortable around. I’m actually quite outgoing when you get to know me. I talk to people everyday, and I do my best to put them at ease. When I’m nervous, I have a tendency to talk too much. I talk to myself, and answer myself also. And when things are difficult, yet need to be said, I can be seen taking a very deep breath as I say a short prayer and ask God to “let the ‘right’ words come out of my mouth,” before I speak. But know that when I’m truly upset or pissed off beyond belief, I shut down and will NOT speak a word because it is then that I have absolutely NOTHING nice to say. It is then that everyone should just stay clear and let me be.
I’m okay with silence. However … just because I’m quiet does not mean that you should not speak to me. The words that come out of my mouth may just surprise you!
Running Code 3 