Life is hard. I know that it was not meant to be easy, but, seriously, does it have to be so difficult? I digress. Life is complicated, yes, but it could be much worse. That I know and understand, and for that reason alone, I will be thankful for the life that I have been blessed with. After all, I am healthy; I am married to a great man; I have great kids who are all beautiful and healthy; I have a career that is taxing but that I enjoy; I am able to pay my bills; I have savings; I have food; I have shelter; I have transportation; my body is STRONG; my mind is STRONG; and I have great faith in God and Heaven and the Angels. Yes, life is sooooo hard, but it could be sooooo much worse.
I lead a very blessed life, and I cannot complain … I should not complain, yet there are many days that I do. I am not going to lie. I understand all that I am blessed with, and I am very thankful for everything, yet I am only human, and I “forget.” Aaarrrggghhhh … how does this happen??? I forget as I get overwhelmed and get caught up in the “Poor Me” syndrome. I work full-time in a sometimes thankless job taking care of others; I have four children who all need something from me; the house needs to be cleaned and organized; my car needs gas; the mortgage needs to be paid as well as the other miscellaneous bills … I sometimes feel as if everything is an emergency and I’m always moving at “Code 3” speed with such urgency and all the lights and sirens … There is only so much of me to go around and I “forget.” I forget, and in the midst of it all, I lose myself, and I lose sight of the important things, and I get upset, angry, frustrated, and have meltdowns at the most miniscule of events. Sometimes, it’s a wonder that I can remember to breathe. It is at this time that I must take a much needed break and get out … get some air … move my body … break away from the monotony of the day … and be alone with myself, listening only to the songs that come out of my beloved iPod and to the sounds of my own breathing and my heart beating as it sends blood coursing through my veins. How? How can this be done? This happens to me when I run. This is how I get away.
It’s a free getaway. It’s an important part of me, that my family understands that I must do. Just RUN! While I am running, for the most part, I only have to worry about myself. Am I breathing okay? How is MY form? How do MY feet feel? Is MY heartrate within range? Do I look good? Am I hydrated enough? When is MY next race? What’s MY pace? I am able to lose myself in my own thoughts, and transcend into a different place far away from all that troubles me.
It is during my runs that, although difficult in the beginning, I am able to put most of my life into perspective. Answers to perplexing dilemmas come more clearly. Conversations inside my head occur freely to the point where they are so vivid that I answer myself outloud.
They say that running is 90% mental, the rest is physical. I am able to attest to this as I have found that while running, the things that I tell myself, or thing about, can make or break my run. I have learned to always talk positively to myself while doing so, otherwise my run turns to what I feel is a failure of epic proportions. Therefore, the little issues in my life must be resolved quickly so that I can turn my full attention to the aspects of my run.
I have learned that too much thinking about my run/race is NOT a good thing. Overthinking and obsessing about my time, pace, and what other runners/racers are doing have caused me to “fail” in my thoughts of myself. Silly thoughts that I did not perform well, when in fact I had recorded a Personal Best (PB or PR). I forget that the real race is the one that happens in my head, against myself, and I must regroup and congratulate myself on a job well done. I must remember that it’s not about winning, it is about improving and not letting myself down, and about the ability that my wonderful, little body is able to perform to carry out my goals and get the job done.
My life is good. It is made better after a good run. It’s just running. I run to clear my head, to put my thoughts into perspective. I run because I am able to run. I run for me. I run from me, but most times, I run Code 3 to me …
Running Code 3 