Month: October 2010

Forty-Two

R. Wallen, R.N.1 Comment
Birthday Girl at El Torrito

I can only laugh when I think about how “old” I *really* am … 42 … seriously?  42?  When did this happen?  How did this happen?  Wow!!!

I don’t feel “old.”  I certainly don’t believe that I look “‘old.”  So I wanna know how this happened without me knowing it?!?

I can still remember being a kid and thinking that 30 was “old.”  I remember talking about the year 2000 in 5th grade and the teacher telling us that we would be 32 years old, and I immediately thought, “No way!”  Wow!   This is amazing!!!

What do I know about me now that I’m at this point in my life?  I know that I am still the same person, just a little more refined, a little smarter, a lot stronger and more resilient than I ever believed that I could be.  And I’m happy.

My childhood best friend, Joan, is STILL my Soul’s Twin, and I STILL love her dearly and keep in touch with her.

I’m still athletic.  I’m still in great shape for my age and I’m proud to say that I can out do many who are younger than I am.  I’ve become a better runner than I ever was as a child, maybe not faster runner (yet), but a better, smarter runner.

I love my life.  I love my husband, Chris, and I love being married to him.  I have four children that I am so very proud of and that I adore with all of my heart.  I couldn’t ask for a better family.  They’re awesome!

I have a career that I actually enjoy and that suits my personality, as well as provides me with a great salary.

I have far exceeded any expectations that I had for myself as a child … and I continue to amaze and outdo myself everyday!  More importantly, I have exceeded and excelled in life when some believed that I would NOT!!!  To those individuals who did not believe in me … Kiss my a$$!

I don’t believe that I have changed much.  I’m really still the same ole Row.  Still funny, and sarcastic, short.  Still crazy.

I know that I am blessed.  I am thankful to have been blessed with as many years as I have been blessed with.  I am thankful for my health, strength, positive outlook, boundless energy, many wonderful, happy memories, wealth.  I am thankful for my family and friends.  Oh so many things to be thankful and feel blessed for!

42 … wow!  I still can’t fathom that I have been on this Earth for *that* long!  Wow!  Just, “Wow!”  Happy Birthday to me!

While I Am Running …

R. Wallen, R.N.Leave a comment

 

26.2 miles long, that dead ends into a wall!!!

 

When I’m out there getting my runs in, most times I can be found running alone.  When the mileage is high, I am one of those runners that needs to talk herself through the miles … and it better be positive talk also, otherwise I’m doomed!  Lucky for me, I’m a fairly positive person who can see more good rather than impending doom.

I am a lover of quotes and great sayings.  What follows is a compilation of some of my favorite quotations and sayings that have gotten me through many miles.  Feel free to comment and add your own …

I know I am only competing with myself.
I set goals and work hard to accomplish them.
I understand the power of the human will.
I know I can face whatever road lies ahead.
I am not satisfied with the status quo.
My true self shines through.
I AM A MARATHONER.

In accordance with the prophecy, I will go the distance. XXVI.II

26.2 – I am not afraid.

Ask your Doctor if getting off your ass is right for you.

The triumph of will over reason.

There will be days when I don’t know if I can run a marathon.
There will be a lifetime of knowing that I have.

Curso, ergo sum … I run, therefore, I am.

The pain is temporary.  The pride is forever.

In my mind, I am a Kenyan.

Surgeon General Warning:  Lack of physical activity is hazzardous to your health.

The miracle is not that I finished.
The miracle is that I had the courage to start.
– John Bingham

Make friends with pain and you will never be alone.

Time is not on your side: Out run it as long as you can.

Time is always running.  Are you?

Run like hell and get the agony over with.

The greatest pleasure in life is doing the things that people say we cannot do.

Training: It’s not a matter of life or death.  It’s more important than that.

Always focus on what you CAN do, not what you can’t.

Define what victory means to you as individual, then proceed to measure your success by how close you come to it.

What’s lost by not trying and what’s lost by not succeeding are two VERY different things!

Trust the power within you and use it.  When you don’t, that’s when fear sets in …

When your legs are tired, run with your heart.

Dead Last Finish is greater than Did Not Finish, which trumps Did Not Start.

Good things come slow – especially in distance running. – Bill Dellinger

Human beings are made up of flesh and blood, and a miracle fiber called courage. – George S. Patton

I have met my hero, and (s)he is me. – George Sheehan

Running is a big question mark that’s there each and every day. It asks you, “Are you going to be a whimp or are you going to be strong today?” – Peter Maher

Runners just do it – they run for the finish line even if someone else has reached it first.

If you are going through hell … keep going … – Winston Chruchill.

All it takes is all you’ve got.

The real purpose of running isn’t to win a race, it’s to test the limits of the human heart. – Bill Bowerman

Games require skill. Running requires endurance, character, pride, physical strength, and mental toughness.   Running is a test, not a game.  A test of faith, belief, will, and trust in one’s self. So hardccore that it needs a category all to itself to define the pain.   When game players criticize, it’s because they aren’t willing to understand, not because they’re stronger.  Running is more than a sport, it’s a lifestyle. If you have to ask us why we run, you’ll never understand, so just accept.  – Jessica Propst

Brick walls are there for a reason.  They let us prove how badly we want things. – Randy Pausch

Now, if you are going to win any battle you have to do one thing.
You have to make the mind run the body.
Never let the body tell the mind what to do.
The body will always give up.
It is always tired in the morning, noon, and night.
When you were younger the mind could make you dance all night, and the body was never tired …
You’ve always got to make the mind take over and keep going.
– George S. Patton

And, last, but not least … “You Got This!”

Bobbing Headlights – Modesto MN Half Report

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MACHine and MiniRowRow

It was our “Runniversary,” Mac and I.  We ran the Inagural Modesto Midnight Half last year as our first year together, and decided that we would run it again this year.  I love that Mac and I run together virtually.  We live not “that” far apart (1.5 hours), however, it’s not easy for us to just pick up and drive to where the other is to run.  We check up on each other via text messaging and FaceBook, and have started running one half-marathon every month together beginning this year.

Where to begin … It wasn’t a bad race, just more things that need to be ironed out.  Not very many people found it easy to run in the dark, and found the race very unorganized.  True, it’s night and it’s dangerous, but it’s a chance that we take when we sign up for a race like this.

I, myself, enjoyed the course this year.  Last year was two dark loops of the same route.  BAD as some of it was in a dark, very DARK area of Modesto that was NOT in a good area.  This year, the course was one big loop.  I don’t like running loops myself, so to only have to run one big loop was a big plus for me.  The darkest part of the course was around mile 5-6ish  – which was behind the high school.  There were street lights that were there, but for some reason, maybe budget issues, these lights were not turned on.  That would have solved some of complaints right there as that section of the run was PITCH BLACK.  Even with those of us wearing headlamps, it was not enough to light up a good section of running path.  I could see enough in front of me to know where to step, but seriously, someone could get injured there easily as it was too dark.

Dark Street + Unclosed Road To Traffic = Potential DISASTER!

Complaint #2 – the roads were NOT closed to traffic.  Let’s see … dark route + traffic = very HIGH potential for disaster (i.e. runner v. vehicle).  Not good.  Granted, the Modesto Police Department was out in full force, and stopping traffic for the runners where traffic was high, however it was NOT a great idea to just have cones blocking a lane of traffic for runners.  That was not fun.  Worrying about running in the dark is bad enough, but to have to worry about the potential for getting hit by a car increases ones anxiety ten-fold!  Not cool at all.

Complaint #3 –  There was a lack of aid and water stations.  At mile 3, Mac and I saw a man down, surrounded by his family as I heard one of them ask, “Dad, can you hear me?”  Mac had asked if someone had called for EMS, but they appeared slightly confused and finally answered that they had and waved us on.  We continued on with our run, but worried in the back of our minds that something serious had happened to that gentleman as he did not look well at all.  As far as water stations, there were water stations at every 2nd mile or so starting at about mile 4, I believe.  However, at the mile 6 station, there were only 5 – 5 gallon water jugs and when Mac asked if there was water, the girl standing close by said, “Uh, yeah … you can fill up your water here.”  It was then that I pointed out to Mac that they were 5 gallon jugs and started laughing!  We carry our own water when we run, but Mac had depleted her bottle and she needed more.  I guess I just didn’t drink mine all yet, however when we came back around to the station there were attendants there who were diligently filling up cups and handing them out.  Mac was able to refill her bottle, and I grabbed a cup to cool myself off as I doused it on the back of my head and back.

The weather was awesome.  Probably around 66ish, with clear skies.  The moon was incredible, but NOT enough to light up any path as the event organizers had hoped.  As I am a nocturnal being, this was okay with me.  I function well at night and in the dark which is probably one reason why I did well.  With that said, the remainder of this blog will be on how I felt during this race.

Linda and the very cool sign she made for me.

 

Last year I finished the half in 2:26:xx.  This year, I finished in 2:12:xx, an improvement of 14 minutes!  My instructions for this race were as follows:  3mile warm up, race the Half,  2mile cool down.  What?  I have to run before and after?  Are you kidding me?  No, Coach Speedy Sasquatch was NOT kidding.  Okay, I do as instructed so I tell Mac the plan and we hit it.  We run the 3 mile warm up in about 30 minutes with enough time to gear up to run the Half.  As we are gearing up, I get a call from my friend Linda (@MsV1959) and she tells me that she’s at the Modesto Centre Plaza and come meet her.  It was so nice to see Linda and to finally meet another Twitter friend, Laura (@NICURNMama)!  Linda had made a sign for me that sincerely touched my heart!  No one had ever done that for me before and it made me happy to see it!

In the beginning, I thought that the 3 mile warm up would be a disadvantage to me.  I believed that I would be tired from it and that I wouldn’t perform well.  In actuality, it did not hinder my performance at all.  I didn’t feel tired throughout the race.  I did hear my head try to tell my body that it was tired, but I told my head which told my body, “There’s nothing wrong with you.  Nothing.  Your breathing is even and non labored.  Your shoes fit and your feet don’t hurt.  You’re hydrated.  Your stomach doesn’t hurt.  There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with you, so GO!”  And I went.  There were a few times when my body wanted to falter and slow down, however I would repeat the mantra again to myself and my body believed it and kept going.

I was happy to be running well.  My last half (July) was a disaster and I thought that I was done running then!  “Trust the training,” was my other mantra of the night.  I have to say that I am thoroughly enjoying working with Speedy Sasquatch!  He’s been awesome in getting my plans out to me, and answering my gazillion questions and concerns.  He is a great motivator and cheerleader, and I like that in my Coach!

Linda, Mac, & I =) The Headlights Work!

Despite all of its issues, I still feel that this event could be a really great event.  I know that running in the dark is not for most people.  I enjoyed it.  And as usual, I enjoyed running with Mac.  I loved how people really went with the theme of lighting themselves ups.  If we decide to run this again next year, I am sure that we will also plan to light ourselves up with strings of lights, etc.  We were thankful to gotten some really cool headlamps that my hubby, Chris, was thoughtful enough to get for us … it was fun watching my headlamp and the headlamps of those who ran with me bob up and down making for some really interesting shadows.  Will I run it again next year?  Most likely, yes.  As I said, I enjoyed the course, and I do enjoy running in the dark.

I know that this post is 1.5 months late … It had been written almost immediately, however, as I’m new to blogging, I had to figure out how to add pics, and etc.  I told my son that I was probably too old to be doing such a thing as blogging, but it’s kinda fun, and I LOVE reading what everyone else posts.  I’m not a natural storyteller, I’m more of a rambler … and have a tendency to drone on and on …

***Oooooh … Update on the gentleman that went down at mile 3.  He’s fine.  He said that he had been running, felt a little dizzy, and that’s all that he remembered!  He was VERY fortunate in that there was a doctor who happened to be running behind him who witnessed the entire scene and was able to render actual CPR.  The gentleman was transported to a local ER, then transferred out and had a pacemaker placed!  Geez!  He was all smiles and said to be doing well for the interview for the paper!  I’m happy for him!  Thank God!

Layin’ Low

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It’s 7 days until D-Day … just seven.  It’s hard to believe that it’s all come down to this.  It seems as if April was just yesterday.  I feel as if I need more time.  I need more training.  I need to shed a few more pounds.  But … I only have seven days.  I would say “one week,” but that makes it seem that much closer.

All I want to do is hide.  I don’t care to interact much with anyone, and I’m happy to have the rest of this time off of work.  I don’t care to talk to anyone about how I think I’ll do, or what my goals are.  Really, all I want to do is hide out.

Truth is, I’m sacred.  I don’t feel ready.  Yes … I have been training.  Yes, I have put in the miles.  Yes, I have worked hard.  Yes, I could have done better, trained harder, ate better, taken better care of myself,  whatever … it’s too late now.  I’m done.  This is what it has come down to, and I’m scared out of my mind.

People say, “You got this, Row.  You know what to do.  You know what to expect.”  Yes, I have run a marathon before, however, this is the first marathon that I will be running with ACTUAL training, and I really don’t know what to expect.

I’ve been asking other endurance athletes and runners for words of wisdom and advice to keep the motivation up when your body is just screaming at you to, “STOP!”  And I am thankful to everyone who answered me.  I’m not trying to flood my head with everything, just taking bits and pieces of some great advice and filing it away.  But I’m still scared.

I need this time to lay low and hide out just to tune out what everyone else is doing and focusing on.  I need this time to just find me, and figure out what I need to do to get through this.  I believe that I CAN do this.  I have put in the time, the training, and the miles.  I have mental toughness, and perseverance.   I have finished a marathon before.  I am strong.  I am able.   I can do this.  I CAN do this.  I will do this.  I’m okay.

Deep breath, Row.  Deep, deep breath.  Breathe.  Believe.

I got this … just let me hide out for a couple more days.  I’ll be okay.  Whatever happens, I know that I WILL BE AMAZING!

Redemption

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The worst had already happened to me.  I know what it feels like to have come in dead last.  After that, I told myself that that would never … NEVER … happen to me again.  I seriously believed that I did not ever want to run again.  I was done.  My pride took a big hit, and I couldn’t see myself swallowing it so soon.  So I had myself a little pity party, and I took a short break.  I needed to reevaluate and regroup.  I needed to see if my goals were realistic, and I wanted to know if I still had it in me to run because honestly, I didn’t think that it was in me.

The week that I took off proved to be very effective in helping me to figure me out.  I was finally able to let it go and swallow my pride, and take that first step and move on.  Trust me, it was only a week, but it was difficult.  I felt ridiculous wallowing in self-pity over something that wasn’t even bad.  I finished, damnit!!!  I know that.  I get that.  But it was still hard.

I am my own worst critic.  I expect so much out of myself, and I expect to perform well.  I am definitely my own worst enemy.  I am harder on myself than I am on anyone else.  So, yeah, it was hard for me to come in last place.  And it was hard to just let it go.

So I  knew that I had to step up my game.  I knew that I had to work hard.  I knew that I had to keep my body healthy.  And I was ready.  I had to change my mindset and completely forget what happened and just move on already.

I worked hard.  I got my plans weekly and I worked dilligently.  I got my mileage in.  Speed work, long runs, core, legs.  I did it all.  I know that it was helping.

August … Modesto Midnight Half Marathon … PR @ 2:12.  Yes!!!  I had such a good run that night.  I had run 3 before, then 3 afterwards.  I felt good, and I was happy.

I don’t slack.  I continue to work hard.  I work at getting my head screwed on straight.  I work on positive thinking.  I work on remembering that I am not racing against others, but rather I am racing against my own self.

September … Wolf Pack Events Fall Showdown Half Marathon.  I don’t sleep well the night before.  I think, “Well, I’ll just run.  No big deal.”  I normally would have run with Mac, but she was injured, so I run with Ron (@punkrockrunner) in the beginning.  I feel tired, but I don’t let on.   I just continue to think that I’ll keep on going.  I lose Ron somewhere around mile 5.5, and I end up missing a turn on the trail.  Once I realize that I’m off track, I realize that the trail took me up about a half mile further off the trail.  Gah!  I catch up to Ron at the turn around and we run together.  I’m tired, but I’m still going.  I’m kind of upset that I’m way off, but what could I do?  Nothing except just move forward, and that’s what I did.  I know that I’m still on track.  I know that I’m doing well.  I know Ron’s not behind me anymore, but I don’t look because I never look back.  I just run.  Mile 10, then 11, then 12 … I keep telling myself that I’m okay, that I’m gonna be okay.  Then just like that … I could see the finish.  That finish line was *this* close … And I hit the finish mat … 2:15 for almost 14 miles!!!  Another PR.

I have no clue.  I’m just so happy that I finished so strong.  I knew nothing about my ranking, or where I finished.  I just knew that I felt good and that I finished strong.  Then my husband says, “I think you won your age group!”  WHAT???  The updated stats aren’t up yet.  So I wait patiently … And as I wait, I cheer all of the other incoming runners in.  I’m just happy.

Then the new stat sheets are posted, and the announcer calls everyone’s attention  … and he’s just called out my name.  Winner of my age group!!!  I go up and collect my awards – a first place medal, and a plaque.  Oh. My. God!!!  I did it.  Redemption!!!  Redemption!  YES!!!

But I remember what it feels like to be last … so I contain my happiness, and I continue to congratulate everyone, every runner.  I am truly happy for everyone … every runner.  I would never discount anyone.

The truth is … I am just your average runner.  What I have learned is that that we all run our own race, and that we don’t compete against each other, rather we compete against ourselves.  I  know that there will always someone out there that will be faster, work harder, do better.  But I have learned to run MY race and to be happy and relish in my own little victories, and at the same time be happy for others also!  I can do that.

Me with my 1st place Age Group Medal, and awesome plaque!!!
The feeling of VICTORY as I was comin' up to the finish line!

It’s The Quiet Ones That You Worry About … Right?

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The saying goes, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, then don’t say anything at all.”  Sometimes, one just doesn’t have anything to say, nice or otherwise.

I’m one of those non-verbal individuals that does more listening than speaking.  I’m not sure what it is, I’m just not comfortable speaking.  There’s nothing wrong with the sound of my voice that I know of.  I don’t have a lisp or anything.  No “weird” accent.  I can’t remember any strange, weird things happening to me in my past that would cause me to have an aversion to speaking.

Most times, I believe that what I have to say is not that important.  I listen to conversations that people have, and I do engage at times, but seriously, I do more listening than speaking.  I’m the one that can be found sitting, people watching, taking in all that everyone is saying and doing.  I’m the one that has trouble repeating jokes, and I am not a natural storyteller.   I’m the one that, when in counseling, had to be coaxed to just say more than two words because I was paying an exorbitant amount of money to be listened to and heard!  I can laugh about it now, but at the time it wasn’t so funny.  In fact, it was quite painful … and very difficult, as it provoked such raw emotion … emotions that most times I don’t care to feel and prefer too keep under the surface.

Words just don’t come out “right” for me when spoken.  I’m sure most of us have experienced that, “Ugh! I should have said “(fill in the blank).”  It just happens to me far too often.  It’s as if my brain works so fast to get the words out that when they actually come out of my mouth, it’s jumbled and all “wrong.”  Sometimes, when I’m truly frustrated, the words come out loud, and quick – before I get a chance to filter what I want to say, and I cry!  I don’t like to cry.  Row. doesn’t cry.  It’s insane!  It’s so frustrating, and I must look like an idiot … So I would rather just keep my mouth shut. TIGHT!

Truth be told, if I never had to speak another word again, I would be totally fine with that.  Seriously, I’d be okay with that.  If I never had to say another word,  I would not be lost.  Most people don’t listen anyway, so I would never have to waste my breath trying to get my point across.  I prefer writing anyway.  It is through writing that I can get my words out best.   I’m a big believer in the power of the written word.   I’ve always been in love with snail mail – words hand written to me or by me on paper.  And text messaging … the BEST invention ever!!!  No long conversations if you don’t want them, just short and most times sweet messages that get straight to the point.  I’ve been known to give some nice speeches during high school and college speech classes.  As long as I’m prepared and can get my words written out, I’m okay.  I’d just write, type, and text and I’d be perfectly happy.

Don’t discount me though because I’m quiet.  Although I dub myself “antisocial,” I do speak.  I am smarter than the average bear.  My mind moves at a pace of a million miles a minute.   Sometimes the things that I *truly* want to say are inappropriate, so I bite my tongue … sometimes to the point where my tongue hangs on by only it’s thin membrane.  I love to laugh out loud (let me emphasize LOUD) at funny jokes and stupid things.  I can hold short conversations with those that I am comfortable around.  I’m actually quite outgoing when you get to know me.  I talk to people everyday, and I do my best to put them at ease.  When I’m nervous, I have a tendency to talk too much.   I talk to myself, and answer myself also.  And when things are difficult, yet need to be said, I can be seen taking a very deep breath as I say a short prayer and ask God to “let the ‘right’ words come out of my mouth,” before I speak.  But know that when I’m truly upset or pissed off beyond belief, I shut down and will NOT speak a word because it is then that I have absolutely NOTHING nice to say.  It is then that everyone should just stay clear and let me be.

I’m okay with silence.  However … just because I’m quiet does not mean that you should not speak to me.  The words that come out of my mouth may just surprise you!

My Most Memorable Run

R. Wallen, R.N.Leave a comment

Running has been such a BIG part of my life since I was a youngster. When I was in high school, I ran cross country and track, and I had an awesome coach named Mr. Chun. I don’t believe that he ever ran a day in his life, but he coached my teammates and I well!

My most memorable run ever, was during the summer before the start of my junior year! After much planning, fund raising, and begging our parents, Mr. Chun was able to plan an elaborate week for our cross country team on the island of Molokai, Hawaii!!!

I lived on the island of Oahu, so it was a short plane flight over to Molokai. First class flight on my first commuter plane! Wow! It took several planes to get our team to Molokai, and it was fun to see my teammates in the air as I would see them driving on the freeway! Somehow, Mr. Chun was able to get us five star accomodations at Molokai High School’s gymnasium! With Mr. Chun as the chapparone for the boys team, and his wife as the chapparone for the girls team, we set up our sleeping bags on the gym floor and set up camp! Too much fun!!!

Our days were packed with various workouts – morning runs, afternoon runs, weight training, core training, callestenics, stretching. It wasn’t all about running and working out though. He had planned hikes, beach trips, sight seeing, mule rides, and barbecues which were integrated with a workout in mind!!! Beach trip? Sure, let’s make it a beach run! Hike? Uh huh, let’s run up hills and do a trail run! Mule ride to the bottom of the mountain, but you gotta run back up it! It never seemed like “working” out to me though. I was with my best friends, and I was doing what I loved – what more could I ask for?

The island of Molokai, if you have never been there, is the 5th largest island of Hawaii. It’s beautiful. When I went many moons ago, it was not as populated or commercialized as it is now, I’m sure. The beaches were empty. It was a pineapple plantation, and Molokai was home to the last Leper Colony.

Our last run, on the afternoon before we left, was a scheduled relay run thru the island! We had been divided into teams – mixed boys and girls. It was an amazing run for me! It was so long ago, but I distinctly remember running alongside one of my best friends, Frank, on the empty highway. I remember that Frank talked me through that long stretch. He could have easily left me behind, but our team was not like that. We actually cared about one another, and we had a Semper Fi mentality. When I wavered, he talked me through it, encouraging me. He reminded me to keep my head up, and to look at my surroundings. My surroundings were beautiful: lush greenery, clear, blue skies, perfect Hawaii weather, the sound of waves crashing, and the scent of pineapples! As we ran, I relaxed into the run, and just ran as my teammates cheered us on. That’s the run that is the most memorable for me.

It’s been a LONG time, but to this day, when I smell pineapples, I think of that run. I think of Molokai, and of my friends. I think of how wonderful it would be if I could go back and visit. I do go back and visit though, albeit in my dreams, or when I’m running and I waver. I bring my mind back to that time and place, and I once again hear Frank talking to me, and my teammates encouraging me on, reminding me that I CAN do it …

(Originally posted on http://Minirowrow.blogspot.com on 04/03/2010)