I hate to admit that lately it seems as if I have been having more days than I care to admit where I don’t “feel it” during my runs. Try as I might, I run, but it’s just not there. What’s not there? My heart.
I know. I know. Everyone has days like this, right? It’s called burnout and it’s normal to feel like this, right? I’m afraid though that the feeling of loving the runs won’t come back. I feel as if it’s just so hard for me to get out there and get’er done. It sucks when running feels more like a a chore than something that I love and enjoy.
I know that I most likely need to take a break from it and find something else for awhile, but the truth is that I have already committed to running several races in the next couple months. My Coach had to remind me that I’ve been non-stop since last year! I just don’t think about it, I just do the work. So far, for 2011, I am booked thru May and it’s only January! Yikes! I am not one to back down or bow out of scheduled and paid for races so I will finish what I started.
I know that the feeling will eventually pass, or at least I am hoping and praying that it will. This has happened to me before, just not as intense as it has felt lately. I am confident in my abilities – that is not the issue. I know myself and I know that I WILL finish what I start. I know that I will put forth the work that needs to get done in order for me to improve and that will get me to every finish line.
Maybe that’s what it is … That unwillingness to just let go and let things fall as they may. I’m too caught up in the things that have to be done – the speed work, the LSD runs, etc. It’s starting to feel like work and I’m not liking it very much. It just doesn’t feel “fun” lately and I’m trying to remember what it is that I love about running … and I can’t remember.
I just have to find my heart, get my mojo back. I know it’s there lurking close by. It will eventually. I don’t want running to feel like such a chore. I want it to come easily … Like it did when I was a kid, running free and without a care in the world.
So … I send a heartfelt plea out to the Running Gods, to the Goddess Nike, to anyone that will listen. Bring back the kid-like, carefree days of running to me. The days when running was not chore-like, where I could be seen running and giggling at the same time, moving gracefully, and not caring about form or how my foot strikes. The days when sprinting hard made me laugh breathlessly, versus leaving me gasping for breath with lungs on FIRE! The days when not much thought was put into running and I could run for hours because it was “just running.” Maybe then, if I can be brought back to that place, if I could just feel that carefree happiness again … it would make all this “work” seem worthwhile …
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