Running Code 3

The good, or bad thing about working in a fairly small county is the ability to work in several area hospitals, getting to know various clientele, and them getting to know you.

Well, sometimes it’s more of a bad thing for some unlucky patients. Let me recount the saga of a gentleman who tried to play me for a Dumb Nurse! BAD move!

Let’s call my patient, *Jon Dough. Now Jonny Boy looks like any “normal” citizen walking around our community. I got to know him very well at Hospital #1 as I had triaged him many times and had been called to deal with him several times as the Charge Nurse. His story was always the *same: “I work at Loss Prevention at Such-n-Such Company and I hurt my hand while I was apprehending this guy and I broke it in three places. It just ain’t healing right and I’m in a lot of pain!”

He wanted his customary shot of narcotics and his prescription for narcotic medications. Sure, no problem, Mr. Dough, I just ask that you provide me with the whites of your ride home eyes and I will gladly carry out whatever the doctor orders for you.

The first time he provided me with a bogus ride in which he asked some “pretty” girl in the lobby and asked her to pose as his ride home. We didn’t doubt him until another patient who heard our interaction pointed out that he flat out lied to us ’cause the pretty girl was still there in the lobby.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Wasn’t gonna happen again, not to me anyway. Nope. I was ready for my next encounter with Mr. Dough. He came back a couple weeks later just as predicted, same sob story, same story for a ride home. Yep. So I said that I would happily escort them both out to their car after all was said and done. She got in his car, drove around the block and got out. I was ready. I smiled as she saw me while she got out of his car. I was on the phone immediately to our Local Police Department with the make, model, and license plate of his car reporting him for driving under the influence. You know, because I can do that. He was flagged in our hospital and every nurse and doctor knew his story.

Enter me at Hospital #2. It’s my very first day and I’m being oriented. I look at my patient assignment list and whose name did I see? My FAVORITE patient was my first patient! I got report from the off-going nurse and wouldn’t you know, same sob story, blah, blah, blah. I laughed and told her that I was very familiar with him. I was sooooo looking forward to this!

I walk into his room with a huge smile on my face. I didn’t have a chance to say a word to him, he looked up, saw me, and all I heard was screaming, “Oh my effing gawd, you work HERE, too?!?”

Yeah, I work here, too. Let me just say that that was several years ago, and I have never seen him again!

Just goes to show you that it’s a small world, and an even smaller community. In my profession, we all pretty much know each other as we have either gone to school with each other, worked with one another, or have worked at several of the area’s hospitals. And chances are we know most of the hospital shoppers … You know who you are …

*Names and complaints have been changed to protect the idiotic!