Always A First Time For Everything

They say that there’s always a first time for everything. They also say that in running or racing DNF trumps DNS. Yeah, well, for the first time EVER, I DNS’d my first race. Not just any race, but my very first and only marathon of the year, The California International Marathon. Sucks.

It wasn’t intentional. I had signed up in June after collaboratins with my girlfriend, Judy. We were going to run as we did last year – just for fun, train together, etc. Well, when we weren’t looking December came upon us quickly. I mean really fast. We hadn’t seriously trained, but we were going to run anyway.

The week of prior to the marathon, the weather was wet … Rain storm after rain storm, and it was wet all over. No biggie, we’d done this before, Judy and I.  We carefully watched the weather reports and knew that there was no getting around it, it was going to be a cold and wet run. So we prepped.

On Friday we became indecisive. I was iffy, Judy was iffy. We were sure that we would do it one minute, then unsure the next. I had Chris take me to packet pick up on Friday. We had a good time at the expo, hitting all the vendors. I got a cute outfit, played games, got free stuff …

On Saturday Judy bailed. She told me that she hadn’t trained and the weather was not the best. I wanted to bail too, but my husband knows me. He told me that I was going to run regardless because I wasn’t one to give up. So … I relented. I was going to run, even if I ran alone. So I went out – I picked up some Shot Blox at Sports Authority, then since I had joked that I would run with a floatie and goggles, we hit the pool supply store where Chris was able to find me a flotation device and some goggles. It was while we were at the pool supply store that our Suburban died. It literally died. It would not start. We had to call for a tow truck and for our son to pick us up and take us home. It was then that my fate for running CIM was decided for me. I would not run. It was as if my car knew that my heart was not set on running it, and it stopped running right then and there as if to say, “Row., you know you don’t want to do it, so don’t.” So I took it as my sign. My friends bailed, I was indecisive, and then my car died …

I had never DNS’d a race. I’ve run races while sick, while injured, with a poor attitude.  I’ve run in inclement weather – scorching hot, and even pouring down Tusnami like weather. This wasn’t an issue, but I really didn’t have my heart set on running. It sucked to make that decision, but I truly believe that it was the right decision for me. Let me tell you though, I felt somewhat sick. I felt as if disapproving, judgmental eyes were staring me down, looking at me, shaking their heads and thinking that I was a wimp. I am not a wimp. I don’t care what other people think, but it’s funny that I would automatically believe that people were talking about me.  In my head, for a few moments, I had visions and heard voices of what people were thinking and saying. Just for a moment. I had to remind myself that these people were probably not even thinking about me, that I was just making things up in my head. It was just for a short moment, but for that moment it stung a little and it hurt.  I’m a strong woman, and I’m not a quitter, but I’m also human and I have to admit that it did hurt, but it wasn’t to be, I was not supposed to run that race. I had to remind myself that this may not be the one and only time that I DNS a race. I had to remind myself that I had many more races to run. This may have been the first, but it may not be the last … so I best just learn to go with the flow and be easier on myself. A DNS does not define who I am. Life goes on … I just have to keep moving forward …099

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