Thoughts Before I Go Under

Later today is “D” day … The day I’ve been waiting for for just about two months now. Well, I haven’t actually been waiting for it for two months, but let’s just say that I’ve been waiting for this day to be fixed, done, over with for a LONG time.

Almost two months ago, I injured myself during the CrossFit Games 13.4 Open WOD.  It was a freak mis-step that caused my knee to snap and buckle and take me out just like that … ONE teeny mis-step.

In these last few weeks being out and sidelined from doing what I love most – running, working out, kickboxing, crossfitting, etc. – I’ve been battling a lot of inner demons that at times got the best of me, and brought out an UGLY side that I didn’t like or enjoy. Today I start to come back and kick those demons in the teeth for the turmoil they have caused me! I’m done. I’m done being bitter. I’m done moaning and complaining. I’m just done because I know that what’s done is done, and I do ultimately believe that everything happens for a reason. No accidents.

12 hours from now I’ll have been rolled into surgery and starting my recovery both physically and mentally. As much as I’ve come to love Blue, my beloved hinged knee brace, I love being physical more, and I need to put her away to begin my healing.

Thank you to my friends and family who have put up with an impossible side of me that I never knew existed – not like this anyway.  I’ve never taken my health for granted. I’m thankful that I am healthy and strong. It’s time to get healthier and rebuild myself … I’m coming back – better, stronger, faster, wiser …

Catch you on the other side in a couple days …

Obsessed or Addicted?

Resting is an IMPORTANT part of any training ...

The last two months have been rough on me and my body.  I’ve been sicker than I have been in a really LONG time.  But I’ve worked through it and I’ve gotten considerably better and am at almost 100% … because I’ve actually taken the time to rest and take care of myself.  Being sick was actually more like a “forced rest” for my rib joints that have been injured, and it was a blessing that I finally went to  see my Physical Therapist.

I’ve gotten a lot of flack from people though about my exercise habits, especially while sick.  Not a little, but a lot.  People like to say things to me like, “You’re obsessed.” Or, “You’re addicted.”  Really, people?  Maybe I am, but which one am I?  Let’s look at the definitions and then figure out which one I am, obsessed or addicted …

The World English Dictionary defines obsessed as: (noun)  A persistent preoccupation, idea, or feeling.  In psychiatry, they say it’s a persistent idea or impulse that continually forcesits way into consciousness, often associated with anxiety andmental illness.  Ohhhhkaaayyy … so an obsession is something that dominates your thinking or your thoughts, right? That can’t be all that bad.

Addiction, on the other hand, is defined by as: (noun)  The state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming, as narcotics, to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma.  So, of the two, obsession or addiction, this is the worse of the two, right, because it implies that it affects your mood and behavior negatively. This is BAD.

I’m neither.  Seriously … I do think about my exercise habits, but not to the point where I think I’m going to kill myself trying to do it.  Honestly, in the last couple weeks, I have NOT exercised consistently at all.  My trainer has sent me texts wondering if I have fallen off the planet.  I’ve run a few races, but not at 100%.  The last race I ran, I practically had to walk because I was so sick.  So … I know my limits.  I understand and know when I can’t push and should stop.  What most people are seeing though are my Facebook posts that I “ran” a race or that I went to workout.  It’s not consistent, people.  Yes, I love my workouts.  I love working out and getting physical, but I know when I can and can’t and shouldn’t  … I know.  Ask my friends that I workout with … They will vouch that I have NOT been in the box hitting the gym consistently at all.  Ask my running partners … They will tell you that I have not been running as far or even as much as I should.  My husband will tell you that I go to races sick and gagging, but I still run because 1) I already paid for the race, and 2) I wouldn’t run if I really physically couldn’t.  Ask my trainer, and he’ll tell you that I’ve been missing in action, and he’s been big on me getting better so he tells me to get better then get my a$$ back in the gym. Over the last few weeks, I could be found lounging on the couch or in bed chillin’, and taking more vitamins and even a round of antibiotics that I usually would NOT take.

There ya go ...

So obsessed or addicted? I believe that my behaviors border on obsession, but … I believe that the word we’re looking for here is dedicated.  Defined, dedicated means: (adjective) wholly committed to something, as to an ideal, political cause, or personal goal.  I have fitness and training goals, and I LOVE training and working out, however not to the point where I’d say I’d kill myself if I didn’t.  I like to joke that I am somewhat “OCD” about my workouts, but I’ve been known to be lazy at times, so “addiction” does not fit me.  It’s dedication, not obsessed, nor addicted … I am DEDICATED.

Shhhh! Shut up already!

I also would like to point out that the people who are such “experts” on letting me know that I have obsessed and addicted behaviors, have BMIs over 30+ and are no where near active in any way shape or form and they should just keep their mouths shut – verbally and physically to keep the crap that they say from spewing out, and to keep the crap that they feed themselves from getting in! Really, don’t people have better things to do than comment on MY behavior, when they have absolutely NO room to talk about their obsessions and addictions with lack of exercise and with their love of carbs and junk food?

Bitter much? Naw, just tired of people who think they know everything about me when they don’t even know me … Let ME worry about ME.  Okay … I know that I’ve really gone round and round with this over the last few posts so I’ll get off my soap box now.  I’m done. Before I sign off, have a peek at this article … It’s a really good article on foods that can help you heal and recover.   Have a great day, everyone!